Sunday, March 25, 2007
Practice makes perfect
What does a worry free me look like? With puffy hair??? (shirt from France, skirt from Taiwan and earrings you can't see from Japan)
Just last night, I was lying in bed wondering why I had so many worries? I finally got tired of worrying and decided to quit doing it. For a moment, I felt good about myself for being able to convince myself into that. Seriously, I was very proud of myself. One of my grad school professors once commented on my personality and said, "Loretta will always find something to worry about even if there is nothing close to be doing so." He was darn right! I do not have much confidence in myself even though I have been perceived to be successful in many things. I am still this little girl seeking the approval from someone.
But being able to perceive the problem doesn't lead to easy correctin of my worrisome personality. What I can do is to "make up my mind" to stop the vicious cycle of carrying unnecessary responsibilities and start to learn to enjoy myself.
The first step will begin from separating others' problems from mine. Well, this is a big revelation for me. While others' behaviors may have an adverse impact on me, I want to be free from perpetuating the effect. I can build up this invisible wall to shield them off and I can tell myself that I am free from their influences. So it was really unfortunate to be hitted on by this married guy in my department and it was not my problem. I despise him and the best I can do for now is to avoid him. This man holds some sort of power to manipulate my promotion so I have to be careful in taking any actions. If this was in a different culture, then I would directly request an apology. But in this sytem, things are different and I have to be very caustious.
I am blessed with many good things in life and I should be happy and worry free. I know I can be a genuinely happy person so I'll start being one today. Good luck to myself and I can be a whole new person in a few weeks.