Thursday, May 24, 2007

On guard

I can become totally on guard whenever I receive positive comments about my looks from men. I know that first impressions usually are based on looks but the older I get, the more I dislike about being noticed on the appearances. Also, I have become very impatient in having to say, "thank you" before moving on with a conversation or discussion. It becomes a problem for me in potential romantic relationship building. The minute I hear these comments, I turn off my interest in these people. It is not that I question these people's sincerity, but it is because I would rather that they focus on my personal qualities as much as I do with them.

I met a Christian couple months ago and was lucky to learn about how they met. Being very devout Christians, they prayed for God to bring the right people to them before starting to develop any loving and lasting relationships. In our society where appearances and superficial gratification outweigh character-building, it was refreshing to hear such a story. I couldn't help admiring them.

I may have been over-reacted about these comments, but I'd like to rationalize my over-reaction. I wonder if it is possible at all to meet someone who is interested in knowing who I am inside, who is willing to embrace my strengths and weaknesses in being my confidant. Appearances fade but the soul can grow to be more beautiful over time. Sometimes I wonder if my naive hope for a soul mate is lofty.